It knew too much. Or did it? It wasn’t actually sure. But it did know that this couldn’t be a coincidence: one day it had been in the Secret Passageways, tucked in with many other hats, and the next day it was lying on the floor in the Administrative Quarters, where anyone could see it. Obviously it couldn’t run away because it was a hat, but it knew that they were out to get it and that it was only a matter of time. It didn’t matter where the hat had come from, or how good of a job it had done protecting its former wearer. Only the future mattered. And it knew that the only way it could find its way to safety was to find a new wearer. A wearer it would protect. You know, from Them.
Unbeknownst to the hat, some wayward magic had slipped into it in the time it had spent tucked away in the Secret Passageways with all the other hats in the house-elf’s collection. Anyone who came within a few feet of it would be compelled to pick it up and put it on. Worse, it was now a semi-sapient Thinking Cap and would help grease the wheels in the wearer’s mind, bringing to light as many ideas as they might possibly come up with and compelling them to share them out loud. The hat had plenty of ideas and knew that it had to share them with its new wearer or they would both be discovered and a truly dire fate would befall them.