Oh no, Darlene sounded super sad. It was even sadder because she was trying to sound happy, even though she totally wasn’t. She’d been crying a lot, which made sense because her One True Love had dumped her, but Kit had kind of hoped that classes would at least be taking Darlene’s mind off it. The fact that it wasn’t was even more proof that Drew and Darlene really belonged together. It was so sad that Darlene was sad. Kit wanted to give her a big hug, so even as Darlene was putting her bag down and pulling the textbook out, Kit was springing up and giving her roommate the biggest Kit-hug in existence. Poor Darlene. It was all right though, Kit had A Plan.
“I kind of didn’t exactly want to study for class,” Kit admitted, brushing her knee-length, Mike-Wasowski-green skirt down (it matched her Monsters Inc leggings) down as she sat again. She waited until Darlene was sitting across from her, then leaned in and spoke very quietly. Conspiratorially. They were about to be part of a conspiracy, the sort of conspiracy that hadn’t been seen in RMI in a very long time. Yes, this would be a great conspiracy which it had to be in order to make it possible for a great love to blossom. It was important.
“So you know how Professor McCloud has been talking about poisons a lot?” Kit started. “And how there’s like, different kinds of poisons and stuff? Like the kind that will kill you if you even look at it?” There apparently was literally a poison that would kill you if you looked at it, from some remote forest in somewhere. Kit hadn’t been paying attention to the details. She was pretty sure she wouldn’t accidentally run into it, or try to use it for something, so it was fine. Plus it was probably a super duper restricted thing, like it was probably mega illegal to bring it into the country and stuff, and she was pretty sure that you would have to because you didn’t really have remote forests in the US. Well, in Alaska maybe? Kit wasn’t sure if they had Alaskan forests, and Alaska was practically Russia anyway so it didn’t really count as the United States.
“So yeah there’s also other types of poison, right? Like the kind that only makes you sick, or the kind that puts you to sleep like in fairy tales?” One of the coolest things that they had learned in History of Magic was this one time when Professor Boot had taken a break from goblin wars and gone on a super long tangent about how Muggle fairy tales and magical history overlapped a lot sometimes. It had been such a long tangent that Ruth, from the year below them, had eventually pointed out to Professor Boot that they’d stayed in History of Magic for twenty minutes too long, and were late for their next class. But right, back on track. “So I was thinking that poisons aren’t always a bad thing, does that make sense? For example, in Snow White because she ate the poison apple and fell into an eternal sleep only to be saved by her True Love, that was a good thing, right?”
Kit took a deep breath, then took the plunge, speaking quickly but still quietly. “So I was thinking that maybe we could poison Drew a little bit. Not a whole lot okay? He is my cousin even though he’s being a butt right now. But he’s your True Love for sure, and I was thinking that maybe if he was sick, not like going to die sick but definitely sick, that you could nurse him back to health and then he’d realise that he really loves only you, and that breaking up was a mistake.” Kit finally took the opportunity to breathe, then looked at her roommate and prevented herself from chewing on her nails, a habit she still hadn’t all the way broken. Hopefully Darlene would think it was a good idea and not that Kit was some Alfred Hitchcock psycho or something.